I don’t know how.

So I realized something this weekend.

I don’t know how to relax. 

Like at. all.

I found myself with the morning and part of the afternoon on Sunday with absolutely nothing on the agenda. Instead of settling into a nice, chill Sunday with Scott, I found myself in a giant funk.

“I should wash the windows, they are all gritty,” I thought. (to which Scott scoffed and told me to chill…)

“I should make my lunch for tomorrow and get myself organized for work this week,” I also thought. (and did)

“I should go for a run, it’s a beautiful day,” I thought (and didn’t do…but felt super guilty about, ugh).

“I really need to write a blog….but don’t have a topic in mind,” I considered (and alas, this blog post was born).

But why, why, why was I playing this game with myself, the “I should…” game?

Why don’t I know how to embrace downtime? I never have hours of downtime at once, least of all during the chaos of the work week. Yet here I was, with a bundle of downtime and I was fighting it. My brain immediately turns to “I should…” instead of just being in the moment.

Similar to what this beautiful friend of mine posted about this weekend, my soul has been needing some ‘fitness’ and I’ve been ignoring it. Big time. I’ve been too busy cramming as much into every hour of every day that I missed the big picture. My soul was screaming at me to chill, slow down, embrace.

Source: oprah.com via Jess on Pinterest

 

I mean, really. I have a BIG week ahead of me. After coming down from an equally big week last week. I taught ten barre n9ne classes last week. Ten. Loved every minute but yes, it wiped me out by the end of it all. I also worked my day job all week per the usual and managed to cram in erranding, a few #runsimply runs and other shiz last week too. I probably sat on the couch for a total of an hour or two at most. And this week will be similar. Teaching seven classes this week (some in the new room too, yay!). Hoping to fit in three solid runs this week (would’ve been four if I had forced that run yesterday…glad I opted against, big picture, big picture, big picture). And plans almost every night this week after work, including Friday (barre n9ne ‘closet sharing party’ and a wine tasting courtesy of me and Jo, woohoo). Lots of GOOD. Lots of FUN. But lots of a LOT.

So this is my forced note to self: Slow down. Grab that downtime and give it a giant bear hug. Quit railing against it already.